May 7, 2008
Today is Wednesday. This is my son, Philip’s 23rd birthday. I am going to give him a card from my mom. He loves her so much. My mom loves him tremendously. She would want me to give him a card if she were awake and alert.
I went to school two days this week. It was miserable. Every second I thought about wanting to come home to my mom. I would look out the window and see my van parked. I wanted to crawl out the window to reach my van quicker and speed home. Instead, I just stared at it.
It is gray and dreary outside which seems to make things harder. I don’t feel sadder; I couldn’t if it snowed 20 inches, yet, it seems a little more difficult to think on a day like today.
I am sitting next to my mom. Her breathing is loud with a gurgling sound. I wish she could cough real hard. I want to cough, as if it is to remind her how to clear her throat. Instead, I hold her hand and pray.
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