When I was younger, I needed Time. Time was my friend. I could count the days of Time. When I was told I was too young for something, Time would take care of me. When I was twelve, I couldn’t wait to be a teenager, and of course my friend Time would take me to thirteen. Then I wished for sixteen, eighteen, then twenty-one, and for many more important dates in my life.
Time was a mode of transportation to carry me to the places I wanted to be. Time would take me to wherever I wanted to be; to college graduation, marriage, children, vacations, and holidays. Time took me to where my dreams were.
Time was faithful. Time was reliable. Time was predictable.
Last night was New Year’s Eve, a day to celebrate Time. We had appetizers and snacks to mark another passing year and a party to celebrate another year coming in. Yet, a little before midnight, my daughter, Amy, sadly said that her best New Year’s Eve was a couple years ago. I knew what she meant.
It was New Year's Eve at my mother’s house, a very modest house in Newport. Amy, along with the rest of my family, were in my mom’s living room. It was decorated with Christmas items from a dollar store but her home always seemed so cozy. A Christmas tree lit in the corner of her small room, next to the oxygen machine that generated the air for my mom to breathe. The TV was tuned to Dick Clark, who was sadly looking tired and old, and we watched New York City and the dropping of the ball. For us, that living room with my mother was the center of the universe. There was no other place we would rather have been.
That night, at midnight, my elderly mom celebrated her last New Year’s. I took a picture as she held up her arms and exclaimed loudly, “Happy New Year!” with a big smile on her face with oxygen tubing in her nose. The little kids all ran out on her front porch and rang in the New Year with spoons banging on pots and pans. “Happy New Year” they all yelled across the neighborhood.
Time truly took me through the years of my life to the places I longed to be. However, I am starting to realize that this so-called friend, Time, has also betrayed me. Time has not only taken me to places I wanted to be but Time has taken me away from the people and places I long for. As for last night, Time made me feel as if my mom was somehow slipping even farther away from me. It has been two New Year’s since my mom died.
Time is a distance - A distance TO some places and a distance FROM some places. Today I have learned that it was not the destination that I longed for throughout the years, but rather the journey. Not the passing of time, but the collective moments in time with those who mean the most to me.
May this New Year be a timeless journey to the places you long to be, with those whom you love most.
“Another turning point,a fork stuck in the road..
Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go..
So make the best of this test,
and don’t ask why..
It’s not a question,
but a lesson learned in time”
-Green Day
